I hope writing this kind of post on the third day of a new year is quite forgivable.
2012 was such a sweetheart, albeit having a strong flavor of bitter-sweetness. On the year's first half, I got a taste of first (unrequited) love, first heartbreak and all the disgusting cheesy stuff everyone must have experienced (or will experience) at some early phase of their teenage years. Oh well, writing it here makes me feel so yucky, I apologize, but I have no other choice other than getting it written. The year's second half was way better. Many amazing things happened - and it, more or less, changed my perspective on life, on myself, and the whole world. I realized many things about myself that time; especially the fact that I wasn't just another kid that wanted to study and come up with high grades to satisfy herself and her parents. And so it began, the times when I worked my ass off to practice English, create a school blog, write, and draw for the sake of my own self, and for the appreciation and compliments from people around me because being not known sucks. I didn't want to be clever. I wanted to be recognized.
On the other hand, 2013 was such, pardon me, a complete asshole. I was recognized, I guess. Loads of people talked to me due to my creation of a school blog which many people complimented as funny and brilliant. But did I feel, even a bit, happiness or pride as if I'd reached a great accomplishment? Surprisingly, it's a big no. Why? Consider this; there's a great difference between being loved because of who you are (your personality, your looks, how you talk, those kind of things) and being popular because of what you have created. Both are equally sweet, I once thought to cheer myself up, but what would happen if I'd never come up with the idea of creating that blog in the first place? Would they ever, at least, love me as a person? No. Would they talk to me with admiration? No, because I'm just another not-so-good-looking girl with an awkward personality and nothing nice enough to like about. Needless to say, this realization wasn't a good thing for the beginning of my teenage years, as it affected my self-esteem a bit too much. Not to mention the things that followed after; having my parent being called by my homeroom teacher, seeing my friends ripping off the article I'd written and printed wholeheartedly, losing the people who meant a lot to me, and other things I don't want to recall right now as they used to kill me a bit inside.
So when 2014 readily served a new chapter each for all seven billions lives on this planet Earth, I couldn't help but wonder about what pattern has God prepared for me that year and all the years to come - if I happened to live long enough, that is. For instance, 2012 was a nice year, and 2013 wasn't. So was 2014 going to be as nice as 2012 (a.k.a repeating the pattern), or was it going to be shittier than 2013 (a.k.a having the graph goes downward)? I didn't know. No one knew.
I have little to no memory about the beginning of 2014, except for the time when the trumpets were blown and the fireworks were set as my brothers barged into my bedroom to give me their brotherly new-year-hug. Oh, and also the time when I opened twitter to discover a horror picture and turned out to be all "oh shit, this is gonna be a shitty year all along". January, nothing happened. So did February, except for the birthday of someone special but that didn't contribute much. March, I had the loneliest birthday ever... Somehow. April, a hectic month full of examinations, both practical and written. May, national exams followed by a quite fun preparation for farewell party, then the party itself, then a study tour and finally my last class farewell event in junior high... Ever. June, when hard work got paid off; a pretty good national exam results, but probably not good enough to get into the town's - or perhaps the province's - most wanted high school. July, when I was finally able to sigh in relief as I stepped on SMAN 8 Pekanbaru's territory, but my days weren't conflict-free either. August, choices were made. September, October, November, December... Things have gone on too quickly ever since - and life's getting better all the time, I suppose.
If 2014 was a chapter in my life (in my case, the 15th chapter), it sure wasn't a typical one where things immediately got better after all the conflicts in the previous chapter. It was, in fact, a slowly progressing one. The first four sub-chapters made it seem as if all the conflicts would continue instead of being resolved. The fifth gave a break to the main character, so did sixth which explained how things weren't as messed up as they actually seemed. Seventh offered a whole new circumstance for the main character. Eighth, instead of serving the solutions to all problems, was where the main character was stuck in between choices; and in this case, the whole Sciences-or-Social thing.
I've been having an interest in sciences since I was little. My brother and I used to collect many, many books related to the sciences, and since we were just mere little kids who loved decent pictures a bit too much, all of them were in the form of comic books. When I was in my third year of elementary my father bought me a set of encyclopedias, which made my interest in sciences grow even more. I scored higher in sciences than I did in social studies, and perhaps any other subjects.
But as I entered junior high realization kicked in - that I fell in love with the world of literature, aesthetics, and social studies, too. I wrote many things to myself because I was too shy to show other people, drew well in art class, and studied hard in social studies. I abandoned my love for sciences, my admiration to Gregor Mendel, my will to learn more about atoms and how it made all the things in the universe, and other things I was supposed to love the most. Journalism was my life goal, which I would probably never achieve for now, because high school reminded me of my love for sciences again. The psychology test that "forced" me to be in sciences, despite my ambitions in social studies and linguistics. The inability to refuse and move to social studies. I was in dilemma, for I knew I was no longer the brilliant student in sciences. But no matter what the circumstance was, the choice had to be made. Some choices are made unwillingly, others freely decided. But all choices affect lives... And so I decided to go on with sciences. It might hurt at first, leaving a huge dream. But meeting sciences wasn't a bad experience - it felt quite right. It felt like meeting an old friend.
Ninth, tenth, eleventh, twelfth. Aforementioned in the fourth paragraph above this sentence, things have unbelievably gone so fast. Reuniting with elementary friends, new group of friends, new activities to learn (debating, scrabble, poetry writing even though not seriously, etc), all the ups and downs... It wasn't an easy journey, but I'm quite grateful for the year, for the new experiences, for the choices I made albeit I messed them up a bit too much. Being in sciences didn't make it easier for me, but I'm sure it will, for things get better all the time if you keep on being optimistic and consistent with your choice. Oh, and hard work, don't forget to include that in the equation. I lacked in hard work, I guess.
It wasn't the best year ever. But it was - indeed - a precious, memorable one.
If 2014 was a chapter in my life (in my case, the 15th chapter), it sure wasn't a typical one where things immediately got better after all the conflicts in the previous chapter. It was, in fact, a slowly progressing one. The first four sub-chapters made it seem as if all the conflicts would continue instead of being resolved. The fifth gave a break to the main character, so did sixth which explained how things weren't as messed up as they actually seemed. Seventh offered a whole new circumstance for the main character. Eighth, instead of serving the solutions to all problems, was where the main character was stuck in between choices; and in this case, the whole Sciences-or-Social thing.
I've been having an interest in sciences since I was little. My brother and I used to collect many, many books related to the sciences, and since we were just mere little kids who loved decent pictures a bit too much, all of them were in the form of comic books. When I was in my third year of elementary my father bought me a set of encyclopedias, which made my interest in sciences grow even more. I scored higher in sciences than I did in social studies, and perhaps any other subjects.
But as I entered junior high realization kicked in - that I fell in love with the world of literature, aesthetics, and social studies, too. I wrote many things to myself because I was too shy to show other people, drew well in art class, and studied hard in social studies. I abandoned my love for sciences, my admiration to Gregor Mendel, my will to learn more about atoms and how it made all the things in the universe, and other things I was supposed to love the most. Journalism was my life goal, which I would probably never achieve for now, because high school reminded me of my love for sciences again. The psychology test that "forced" me to be in sciences, despite my ambitions in social studies and linguistics. The inability to refuse and move to social studies. I was in dilemma, for I knew I was no longer the brilliant student in sciences. But no matter what the circumstance was, the choice had to be made. Some choices are made unwillingly, others freely decided. But all choices affect lives... And so I decided to go on with sciences. It might hurt at first, leaving a huge dream. But meeting sciences wasn't a bad experience - it felt quite right. It felt like meeting an old friend.
Ninth, tenth, eleventh, twelfth. Aforementioned in the fourth paragraph above this sentence, things have unbelievably gone so fast. Reuniting with elementary friends, new group of friends, new activities to learn (debating, scrabble, poetry writing even though not seriously, etc), all the ups and downs... It wasn't an easy journey, but I'm quite grateful for the year, for the new experiences, for the choices I made albeit I messed them up a bit too much. Being in sciences didn't make it easier for me, but I'm sure it will, for things get better all the time if you keep on being optimistic and consistent with your choice. Oh, and hard work, don't forget to include that in the equation. I lacked in hard work, I guess.
It wasn't the best year ever. But it was - indeed - a precious, memorable one.
